Overall, mothers expressed more flexible beliefs than fathers, and fewer beliefs at the rigid end of the spectrum. However, among mothers, the more rigid beliefs were primarily expressed by Latina mothers. White and Latino men expressed a wider range of gender beliefs, ranging from mixed or semi-rigid to flexible, while Black men more consistently endorsed rigid to mixed or semi-rigid beliefs (please see Figure 1 for a visual representation of this distribution). No consistent differences were observed between rural and urban groups on the range of beliefs expressed.

Despite the explicit focus of the vignettes on gender socialization, only a portion of participants—more mothers than fathers—recognized the concerns portrayed as gender norms-related. These parents articulated an association between the cultural notion that “real men” are aggressive, dominant, do not cry, and are “in control” (of their incomes, relationships, and emotions) with adverse mental health outcomes:

The concept of the mask that we grow up with is that to be a man, you have to be violent, you have... to silence your emotions, no? And that goes on to generate a lot of unexpressed emotions and many times can lead to suicide and the expressions of violence via school shootings, the use of a guns, for that mask that has been placed on us that doesn’t let us, that sees expressing oneself as unmanly (urban Latino father, age 42, married).

These participants often reacted emotionally to the videos and connected the ideas presented with personal experiences and strategies they have used to teach their sons differently. Several described confronting adults who criticized their sons for behaving in a stereotypically feminine manner (e.g., “wearing pink”; urban Black mother, age 41, married). Others described efforts to support their son’s self-expression, including in ways that conflict with culturally dominant norms (e.g., allowing him to wear a rainbow tutu to his preschool graduation, urban White mother, age 36, married; “trying to instill in my son that it’s okay to cry sometimes”, rural White mother, age 43, married).

Other participants who reacted positively to the videos saw the issues presented as parenting challenges, and the problems boys faced—often described as bullying, fighting, or vulnerability to negative peer pressure—reflected a lack of values or good role models that parents are responsible for providing.

What stuck with me was the bullying, and ... that today very few people that when they see bullying, they just stay quiet...That’s what worries me... today it’s more important to grab the phone, record what’s happening instead of putting on the pants and saying, “I’m going to separate this fight, I’m going to defend the weaker person.” Which shows... they’re losing their values, because we as fathers...aren’t teaching our sons good values. (rural Latino father, age 34, married).

Some parents–the majority of whom were fathers–exhibited resistance to the messages communicated in the videos. Although at least one or two fathers from each group pushed back on the videos, the largest proportion of participants exhibiting resistance to these messages were Black fathers. Non-receptive reactions came in several forms. The most common form was directly challenging the message that masculine norms enforcement and notions of “be a man” were exclusively harmful. For example, when reacting to The Mask You Live In trailer, one father argued:

... “be a man” ... was described as one of the most destructive things a young man ... may hear as a child. It’s not necessarily the most destructive term. He does have to evolve to being a man, at some point in time...we don’t want dads to grow up with their hands out begging all the time just to get through life. They’re going to have to man up at some point (rural Black father, no info).

Some noteworthy trends emerged in attitudes, beliefs, and endorsement of norms between mothers and fathers. Overall, mothers described a greater interest in the impact of language as a means of enforcing harmful masculine norms, such as notions that men should not experience or express certain emotions or that men should resolve conflicts with violence. Although there was variation, most mothers were receptive to the messages conveyed by the Gillette commercial and The Mask You Live In trailer and expressed particular concern about the potential negative mental health outcomes for boys who feel pressured to suppress their emotions or who are unable to express their feelings:

...we’ve cut off our nurturing to our boys at a certain point...because we don’t want to make them too feminine... And that could be part of the anger build-up. ...I’m an educator, I see it on a daily basis with our boys...my husband and I handle (their 8-year-old son) differently. I’m more nurturing and my husband will be the one to be, “Why you crying? You’re not supposed to be crying.” And, you know, all of that. So – but why? Why can’t a boy cry? What’s wrong with that? (rural Black mother, age 34, married).

Many mothers argued that pressure to “be a man” is predominately harmful to boys and efforts should be made to shift society away from these harmful norms and avoid reinforcing them through language. Among mothers who endorsed more flexible models of masculinity– a sizeable portion of the mothers in this study– enforcement of harmful masculine norms was something they felt should be eradicated, allowing boys to behave as children rather than as “men”. They indicated boys should be allowed to cry, behave in “feminine” ways, and ultimately, be allowed to grow into emotionally intelligent men capable of building respectful relationships. Some mothers noted that their more flexible views conflicted with their husband’s perspective, requiring them to negotiate their parenting approach or attempt to counteract the father’s messages:

Me and my husband butt heads a lot when it comes to our son... my husband’s old-fashioned. Men shouldn’t cry, this and that and I’m like why? He’s five!...He feels like well, I’m raising a man! Yeah, you can raise a man when he’s like 13 or 14, not when he’s 5!...That’s really something that I want my son to be able to do, is express his feelings but also be independent and strong, because it’s okay for a man to be able to express his feelings and I want my son to know he can (urban White mother, age 28, married).

Fathers tended to express less concern about the impact of gendered language on boys’ ability to express themselves and the adverse mental health outcomes that may result from emotional suppression. Not surprisingly, those fathers whose reactions suggested that “this [i.e., harmful masculine norms] isn’t an issue” expressed the least concern. Instead, many fathers acknowledged that pressure to “be a man” can impose unrealistic expectations that lead boys and men to experience or participate in bullying, peer pressure, violence, or other negative outcomes. However, unlike mothers, fathers more often believed that this pressure is a social reality that is unlikely to disappear. They posited that boys need to cultivate strategies to navigate this pressure and grow into “good” men with positive attributes, such as being responsible, leaders, having integrity, and being willing to protect others:

Yeah, many times to be accepted within a group you have to look like that. You have to make them respect you... I think that’s true. But with that pattern, you have to know how to handle it. You have to know how to teach them [to handle it]. Because truthfully you can’t let your son become too submissive either, right? But it all has to be done with respect for others (urban Latino father, age 45, married).

Contrary to expectations, no meaningful or consistent differences were identified in the discussions between urban and rural groups.

Black participants, both mothers and fathers, explicitly discussed how notions of masculinity differ for Black men compared to other racial/ethnic groups. However, some meaningful differences also emerged between mothers and fathers in their views of masculinity and race. Black mothers discussed how different societal expectations for Black men led to significant limitations on their ability to express emotion, affection, and participate in child-rearing activities. These mothers argued that many Black men perceive expressing or talking about emotions as weakness: “I feel in the Black community, a lot of men are not open to things such as therapy and counseling. Just because I’ve heard men tell me...they don’t need to talk to anybody. They’re not soft” (rural Black mother, age 30, married). Several of these mothers argued that there is more flexibility for White men to express themselves emotionally and contribute to child-rearing activities: “There seems to be a lot more leeway for them to be gentle. For them to be at home. And it doesn’t take away from their manhood” (urban Black mother, age 35, married).

Black fathers also described limitations placed on them by wider expectations about Black masculinity. However, their remarks related to the comparative absence of positive media or popular culture portrayals of middle-class Black men providing for their families. These participants were acutely aware of racially prejudiced assumptions made about Black men and described historical and current strategies to silence their voices, minimize their power, and undermine Black culture:

One of the things historically, and this affects us today, is that for Black men, we’re never allowed to be assertive. Black men were never allowed to be dominant. They were never allowed to be in any kind of power position, historically, in this country. And they were turned into boys by the dominant society. It was okay for a teenage, 17-year-old white boy to see a grown 50-year-old, 40-year-old Black man and say “Hey boy.” And it was accepted in dominant society. And that was feminization. (urban Black father, age 48, not married).

Latino participants, particularly fathers, discussed how expectations of fatherhood have evolved across generations. Some participants discussed how their fathers did not express affection, play with them growing up, or provide essential guidance on important topics (e.g., sex), but rather expected obedience and respect: “...our fathers had a different attitude and way of teaching us. They were very harsh and not very communicative...I had to do what my dad said, in the way he said, at the hour he said” (rural Latino dad, age 34, married). Fathers from this generation, some argued, were expected to provide for their families financially, not emotionally–for example, not spending time with their children or expressing affection for their children. One participant observed that while his father is emotionally expressive, he does not approve of his level of involvement with child-rearing:

...my dad is nice, you know, he gives me hugs and all that, but when I talk to him about some parenting things I do now, he doesn’t get it. He’s like, “why doesn’t your wife do that?” ...He told me once, “I think you’re doing too much in the house. You’re doing too much to help your boys.” It’s like, what? That doesn’t make sense (rural Latino father, age 40, married).

These comments allude to a “traditional” fatherhood model (Vigoya, Fonseca, Latapí, Ferrándiz, & Gutmann, 2002)— one that promotes expectations of fathers as financial providers but not emotional contributors to child rearing—and are consistent with dominant values of machismo in Latin cultures (Nuñez et al., 2016). Participants in the Latino father groups discussed growing up with these cultural ideals modeled in their families but rejecting aspects of it in their own practices. Latino fathers talked more than other father groups about spending time with their sons and doing activities together to build “confianza” (or the feeling of connectedness and trust): “I try to spend time with my son...learn about his interests, what projects he has in his head. I think this helps him to have more confianza with me and tell me what’s going on” (urban Latino father, age 47, married). Some fathers also talked about modeling respectful treatment with their wives to show sons that it is necessary to respect women. Others talked about the need to provide affection and emotional support to their sons because they did not receive this from their fathers and perceived the lack of affection or emotional support to be problematic. Although many Latina mothers expressed more rigid beliefs, those with flexible beliefs echoed Latino fathers’ concerns about overcoming generational differences:

There’s a misconception in the Mexican culture about the man having to be macho and doesn’t need to do house chores. In my house, I teach my kids how to do dishes, the boys and the girls have to do it the same way... I have taught them about doing laundry and everything because I told them: you want to go to college someday... you’re going to live by yourself. I don’t believe in the macho thing... In Mexican culture, it’s so ... difficult to fight that, because the oldest people from the house are like that, the uncles, the grandparents, everything goes like that (urban Latina mother, age 38, married).

Discussions in groups with White parents largely echoed those found in other racial/ethnic groups, save for the absence of the unique commentary noted in the Black and Latino groups. White parents, particularly mothers, more often expressed views that clustered towards the “flexible” end of the spectrum of gender beliefs and indicated receptivity towards the messages in both videos. As eliciting unique concerns of White parents was not a primary objective of the current study, additional probing for potential themes was not conducted.

Perceived social norms are important drivers of human behavior, and efforts to shift norms— through social marketing, communications campaigns, or social network approaches, for example—have been applied to several health contexts, including substance use, HIV, and violence prevention (e.g., Basile et al., 2016; Burchell et al., 2013; Edwards et al., 2022; Sweat et al., 2012). Such approaches may also be useful in shifting masculinity norms towards healthier, broader, and more achievable conceptualizations of “manhood”. Parents at the more rigid end of the spectrum may benefit most from messages that elevate and reinforce positive, flexible examples of masculinity and parenting behaviors that support the socio-emotional health of boys, while also communicating risks associated with culturally dominant norms in terms that acknowledge and address the unique concerns or barriers described across populations. In addition to efforts targeting parents and caregivers directly, approaches that focus on influential adults in the community, such as teachers or faith leaders, can also begin to shift norms within parents’ broader social network, making behavior change easier and more desirable.

Many parents in this study expressed concern about the physical and emotional health of boys and an interest in shifting societal expectations and their parenting practices. However, they also described obstacles to changing their behavior to align with these beliefs, such as mothers describing their sons’ fathers endorsing traditional gender roles to the perceived detriment of their sons’ emotional health and development. Adults raised in homes that modeled or enforced traditional gender roles, for example, may lack the skills or behavioral examples to create new dynamics in their own families. Several evidence-based parent training programs exist to teach skills for positive, effective parenting (Fortson et al., 2016). Such content could be integrated into existing parent training programs or new interventions focused specifically on raising healthy boys and tailored to the interests of different communities. Pairing parent training with a communications campaign designed to shift social norms in the surrounding community may also promote parent engagement and bolster effectiveness by exposing participants to reinforcing messages in their environment.

Given the strong theoretical and empirical connections between culturally dominant masculine norms and violence, in particular, it is notable that both social norms-based and parent training approaches have also been identified as effective strategies for the prevention of multiple forms of violence (e.g., Basile et al., 2016; Fortson et al., 2016; Niolon et al., 2017). Building on existing preventative interventions to address healthy masculine socialization in early and middle childhood— along with other risk and protective factors for violence—may accelerate and extend the effects of those interventions to additional health outcomes disproportionately affecting boys and men, as well as the health and safety of the broader community, through cross-cutting prevention efforts.